The Dynamics of Sidewalk Counseling

August 7, 2004

Dynamics because you are flexible
The word “dynamics” has not been chosen by accident. Rather it aptly describes the process of verbal interaction that occurs. In this process you guess about a given situation, ask questions to confirm or reject your guesses and then modify your behavior. You must be ready to change your plan based on the information you discover, or to her reaction to what you are doing.

The questions you want answered:
To persuade her to love and keep the baby she is carrying you must understand her life situation and what is going on with her right now. To do this there are things you must find out.

Who’s controlling the abortion decision?
Often the mother has been pressured into an abortion decision by someone close to her. This could be a boy friend or husband. Sometimes it’s a girl’s mother or father. It makes a tremendous difference in how you approach the problem to know whether the woman has been coerced into the abortion decision or has made it on her own.

If the mother wants to keep the baby and is being pressured into destroying it you have several options:

Try to convince both her and the other controlling person to choose life.
Convince the controller to choose life. This may be what you have to do if you find a boy friend hanging around outside of a mill after dropping off his girl friend.
Separate the mother from the controller physically. Do you have an opportunity to talk to her in the absence of the controller? If you are teamed up as a counseling couple can your male team mate talk to the man and you to the woman?
Can you separate the mother from the controller emotionally by what you say? “It’s an easy way out for him, but you’re the one who has to live with it the rest of your life. If he really cared about you he’d stand by you and not put you through this.

Why does the mother or the person controlling the abortion decision want the abortion?
To find out, be direct: “Why do you feel you can’t have the baby?” Or, “Why do you want to put the baby out of your life?”

Have the laminaria been inserted?
You should make sure she knows that she can have these removed and continue the pregnancy to term.

How long has she been pregnant?
If she merely suspects that she’s pregnant can you convince her to have the “free test” somewhere else where it is safe?

Of two women together, who is scheduled to have the abortion?

Of a couple, is the man the father of the baby? If he’s the father, is the couple married?

Body Language
Body language or non verbal communication is another way of gathering information. It will help you understand what is going on before you ask any questions or will help you to know what questions to ask. Train yourself to observe. A couple walking very slowly, almost dragging themselves along the street, do not want to go inside the abortion mill.