Sidewalk Counseling Handbook "PART 1"

August 01, 2004

1. WE HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY WE THINK

As a pro-lifer, what is the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the word "abortion"? Death? Kill? Baby? Fear? Sorrow? Pain? Anger?

What words come to mind when you hear the word "abortionist"? Killer? Hate? Murderer? Money? Lost?

How about when you think of the woman that has chosen to end her pregnancy with abortion? Uninformed? Desperate? Lost? Scared? Pressured? Sorrow? Hardhearted? Lied-to? Selfish?

These are obviously the word associations of a person who thinks pro-life. But I'd like you to put away your pro-life thinking for just a moment and try to think pro-choice. So, thinking pro-choice, what is the first word that comes to your mind if you hear the word "abortion"? Choice? Rights? Freedom? Solution? It's-my-body? Equality?

Now again, thinking pro-choice, what is the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the word "abortionist"? Savior? Doctor? Hero? Helper? Friend? Provider?

And again, thinking pro-choice, what do you think of when you think of the woman that has chosen an abortion? Scared? Solution? Pressure? Problem? Anger?

You may notice that it is not as easy to come up with the pro-choice responses. The average pro-lifer often realizes, "Wait a minute, I don't know how to think pro-choice."

I did that exercise for a couple of reasons. One, is to show you something you already know: pro-life is over here, and pro-choice is over there, and never the two shall meet. We can't have a half live baby and a half dead baby, or a half injured woman and a half safe woman. There is nothing about abortion that pro-life and pro-choice can agree on. And, secondly, I want you to realize that, as pro-lifers, the first thing that comes to our mind when we think about abortion, usually, is the baby. That's what we think of most. And I want to encourage you in that, and please understand what I'm saying here. Praise God, I want you to remain pro-life. Hold onto your pro-life convictions and your pro-life motivation. But, to the very best of your ability, begin, as well as you can, to start thinking pro-choice.

You're Not Counseling the Baby -- You're Counseling the Woman

When you stand out on that sidewalk, you are not counseling that child. If the child could answer you and respond, the child would not choose abortion. However, you're not talking to the baby, you're talking to its mother. If she wants to go and have that abortion, she is going to do it. Unless you were to kidnap a woman and keep her for the duration of her pregnancy, which we cannot do, she is free to have that abortion. We cannot take her choice away.

I do not believe that any woman has the moral right to choose to take the life of her child. However, the law of our land says that she does have a legal right to an abortion, and we can't change that. The only thing that we can change is ourselves. The only thinking that we can change is our own.

Many of us have pro-choice friends. We've been working on them for years, and they're still pro-choice. When a woman passes you on that sidewalk (and if you've been out there, I don't have to tell you), you don't have two or three years, or two or three hours. If you have two or three seconds, it's a luxury. You don't have time to change her from a pro-choice thinker to a pro-life thinker. You need to change your thinking.

When you step out on the sidewalk, try to leave your pro-life thinking at home, which is pro-baby, and start thinking pro-choice, which is pro-woman, because that's who you're talking to.

Now, the bottom line is that we fight this because of what happens to the children, and, yes, I do care about the woman. But, ultimately, I realize that that's how we need to reach the women in order to save the children. So, to the best of your ability, if you want to save that child, push that child to the recesses of your mind and start that process. It will begin to flow.

You are not there to take away her choice, and I even tell them that. You are there to lovingly, kindly, and compassionately encourage her to change her choice. There's a vast difference in that.

If a woman thinks that her choice is threatened, you've got an angry woman on your hands. She doesn't realize that, many times, you're actually the one who is protecting her right to choose. We're the ones that have the choice. They're going to offer her abortion. That's the only thing they will offer. We will offer her an alternative; we will offer her a choice.

Whether you ever step foot on the sidewalk or not, you can glean things from this handbook to take to your place of employment, your neighborhood, your school campus, wherever -- because we all run into women that are considering abortion, and the Lord will make sure that you hear about them. He'll bring them across your path. And the same principles that you apply on the sidewalk can apply at any time and in any way to encourage such a woman to choose life.

She'll Never Listen to You If You Do Not First Win Her Over

Our first objective in sidewalk counseling, or in our place of employment, when this woman says, "You know, I'm pregnant, and I'm having an abortion," is to win her to yourself. The main reason for this is so that she'll stop and receive your literature or talk to you so that you'll have a chance to let her know that you care about her and that there are alternatives. Remember that you are walking into her private life. It's not like being in a crisis pregnancy center where you're in control and she's walking into your domain. You're out there walking into her private life, where she perhaps has not even told her very best friend what's going on, and she's gone to another town or another city so no one will find out. And we're there, and it's real hard to walk into that situation, and we have to present ourselves in a certain way in order to win her over.

Let's do another exercise. Think for a moment: How would the average pro-choice person describe the average pro-life activist? Ignorant? Fanatic? Cult member? A nut? Religious right? Zealot? Rabid?

Gosh, we're a nice group, aren't we?

Violent? Radical? Militant? Confrontational? Anti-choicers? Judgmental? If you've been out there, you've heard all these.

Unloving? Uncaring? All those things. That's why we give our life to this -- I mean, after all!

Well, I know you're probably sitting there and you're saying, "I'm not like that -- that's just what the media projects, or that's what they say we are, but it doesn't mean that it's true."

And I know a lot of pro-lifers, and I know that it simply is not true. But sometimes I have stood back and observed, and I have seen pro-lifers that I know and that I love become overwhelmed at the moment. They may say something that was absolutely not the wrong thing to say, but said it in such a way, out of emotion, that it came across the wrong way.

If our objective is to win someone to ourselves, would any of those emotions and qualities that I just listed win anybody? And I'm not saying that we do that. What I'm saying is that sometimes, if we're not very careful, an attitude will come across. We have to be sensitive to that at all times. Particularly out there.

Be Sensitive to Her Situation

A woman coming for an abortion is at an all-time emotional high. It's not a real fun day for her. She's confused. She's upset. We don't know what has just happened in her life. We don't know how the man in this situation fits in. We don't know the problems and the heartaches that she has at home. And, if you look at her the wrong way, she'll burst into tears or she'll be angry or she will run from you. On the other hand, if you treat her in a right way, and she has an absence of love and compassion in her life, she will migrate to you.

Just be careful of what you project out there. Because I know what's in your hearts, but you need to make sure that that comes out in a proper way.

2. STOP AND ASK YOURSELF WHY AM I OUT THERE?

Right now, as you're reading this, would be a good time to just search your own heart. Ask yourself, "Why do I want to sidewalk counsel?" If you have been out there on the sidewalk, you know very well that it's not a real fun place to be. Somebody asked me one time to come to her city and "give a pep rally" to sidewalk counselors. I can't do that. What am I going to say? You're going to have fun out there? It's going to be a ball? No. It's not fun. It can be gut-wrenching. And your feet hurt, your back hurts, and you get friendly little hand signals all day. But it's not supposed to be fun. It may be the hardest thing you'll ever do. But it's also the most rewarding thing. When you've got that beautiful little baby in your arms and you know that, even though that day that it took to encourage that mom to choose life for that child may have been stressful, it was worth every single moment of it.

Now is the time to just be honest with yourself before the Lord and say, "Why am I out there?"

I had someone confess to me not too long ago that she felt she was out there for all the wrong reasons. But then, once she got that right between her and the Lord, things started flowing like never before, and she has seen tremendous numbers of children saved that she hadn't seen before.

Ask yourself, are you out there because you want to save babies? That's good, that's wonderful. That's a good reason. Are you out there because you want to obey God when He says, "Don't stand back and let the innocent die"? That, too, is a good reason.

Unless You're There for the Woman, You Will Never Be Truly Effective

But I want to tell you, that if you're not out there because you care about the moms, you will never become a truly effective sidewalk counselor. It won't happen. You may see a few babies saved here and there, and praise God! But let's not settle for that.

The world does not settle for mediocrity. Why should we? You see these charts all the time of salesmen that are trying to get better and better and better and higher and higher up on the chart. And I think we should do that too. Let's not settle for one or five or ten babies. Let's see thousands and thousands of children's lives spared and women's lives touched by the glory of God. And if our heart's attitude can make a difference, then let's be honest before the Lord.

We're Not There to Pass Judgment on Her Circumstances

We need to remember when we go out there that her situation, the circumstances of that pregnancy, is none of our business. We're not her Holy Spirit. We're not there to condemn her or to pass judgment on her, but rather to extend the love of Christ to someone that's hurting, who has bought a lie, who may have nothing but pressure, pressure, pressure in her life to abort. She may not have one person encouraging her to choose life.

We need to meet her where the Lord meets us -- in our sins, in our failures and shortcomings -- and extend that love to her. In the Bible description of the woman at the well, Jesus didn't walk up to her and hit her upside the head with the Bible. He gave her what she needed, which was the Living Water. And the good Samaritan, as he knelt down over the man in the ditch, he didn't stand there and point his finger at him and preach to him and say if he had lived a different lifestyle, he might not be in this ditch. He knelt down and he bound up his wounds. And we, as the Body of Christ, need to be willing to do that.

Corinthians 13 says "Love does not behave itself unseemly. Love is always polite and courteous. Love is never violent. Love is never rough. Love is never brutal. Love doesn't go around and say ugly things." And I know, sometimes, you just can't take it any longer. And the reasons that these girls use!! Sometimes I have a real struggle with respecting my gender when I see selfish woman after selfish woman after selfish woman go in there for abortions day after day after day. But I had to give that to the Lord. I had to lay that down at His feet.

We Are Called to Love Even Our Enemies

We need to remember to extend that love to the clinic personnel, to the pro-aborts, and to the abortionists themselves.

We have a tremendous problem in Atlanta right now with pro-aborts every day, at every mill. They meet us there. They are there at 4:45, 5 o'clock every morning. They're very faithful. And I kept praying them away. Until the Lord rebuked me for that, and I was reading in Timothy that He may very well be sending them to us, because we're the only ones that have the light and the truth for them. We all know the stories of the clinic directors and the abortionists that have quit because some pro-lifer extended the love of Christ to them.

We need to be aware of that responsibility at all times. I'm not saying that we should never stand back and rebuke evil. There is a time when we need to stand out there and proclaim the truth of Christ that our nation is on its way to Hell because of this awful slaughter of innocent children. There is a time to preach. But in the context of sidewalk counseling, when we're trying to reach that woman, we must be very careful about what comes out of our mouths.

Be Wary of an Attitude of Condemnation Towards the Woman Who Chooses Abortion

What's in the heart comes out of the mouth. It'll come out in our facial expressions and our tone of voice and our body language. And, I want to ask you, just between you and the Lord, do you struggle extending love to the women that go into abortion clinics?

I spoke to one woman recently who has been out there for years, and she said, "I still can't get it out of me." She has a disgust and a hatred for the woman that goes in for an abortion. It is a wall that stands between her and that woman, and it blocks the flow of the Holy Spirit. Be honest before the Lord and search your own heart. Ask yourself if you hold any condemnation for the aborted woman.

I have to confess that I probably held more condemnation than anybody. I couldn't fathom how a woman could take the life of her child. I couldn't understand that. I lost my first pregnancy. My doctor had been pumping me full of hormones and everything he could, and at the same time I lay in bed trying to desperately hold onto my child, my neighbor went and had an illegal abortion and aborted her beautiful, healthy child.

And it did something to me. A root of bitterness began entangling my heart, and I held a great deal of judgment for the aborted woman. The Lord had to take care of that and get rid of that for me.

I thank and praise God I've never experienced abortion firsthand, but I have counseled posted-aborted women for years. God used those years of post-abortion counseling to break my heart for these women and to understand.

I have a tape that I wish you could hear, although it is a little difficult to listen to. If you have experienced abortion first-hand, this is not to make you experience any more grief or any pain. If you have experienced abortion, I encourage you to, please, seek out your healing for that. If you have come to know the Lord since then, He has delivered you from that and has forgiven you, but it's totally different for you to forgive yourself. You need to go through the programs and restorations to be healed and restored and become profitable in this because of the very thing that you have been a part of.

My tape is of a woman that gave permission to be taped during her post-abortion counseling. This was four years after she had aborted her child, and she is just beginning the grieving process. This is what women experience in abortion. If you could hear the tape, you would hear the loud wailing of a woman experiencing intense anguish, profound grief and loss, crying loudly and intensely, almost like an infant.

That tape goes on and on and on and on. When I did post-abortion counseling, women would wail and wail and wail and wail. Excuse themselves just long enough to vomit and then go back.

And what I'm saying to you is that if you want to save the life of these children, you need to turn off the cries of the children and think about the cries of this woman. Because if you don't, it will get in your way.

Now, at that moment that she's standing in front of you, she is not at that point of aftermath. The one who's standing in front of you is an arrogant, willful woman that says, "I am going to choose."

She doesn't care about that child. We need to understand: if she cared about that child, she wouldn't be there. And remember that you're not counseling that child, you're counseling that woman. To the very best of your ability, if you want to save the life of that child and spare that mom, turn off the cries of the children and remember this tape. Ingrain it on your heart and your mind, and you will be able to reach her.

3. ABORTION IS NOTHING LESS THAN A BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL

Abortion is not a woman's issue. It's not a political issue. It's got nothing to do with choice. It's a battle between good and evil. Bottom line.

Satan has been, since the beginning of time, trying to destroy women and children. All through Biblical history, he's been doing that. And he's been successful many times.

Don't Go Out Spiritually Unprepared

The battle is between good and evil, and we need to become spiritually wise and spiritually prepared. You can't go out there unprepared. You cannot just walk out on the sidewalk. You're walking right into the enemy's camp. You're walking into legions of angels of evil. And you and I are no match for the Devil, not in ourselves, not the way we are.

It's true that we, as heirs to the throne of God, have been given power, in the Name of Jesus, to cast down principalities and powers of the air. And we have been given weapons of warfare, and we've been given armor for the battle. But we've got to put it on if we're going to use it.

There's that song, "We're marching into the enemy's camp, laying our weapons down, shedding our armor as we go, leaving it on the ground." And I've seen that happen. I've done it. I've been at home, I've been on my knees and prepared and ready to go out, and I step on that sidewalk, I drop all my armor and act like an idiot. Then I wonder why I get shot out of the battle.

We've got to keep our armor on, and we've got to stay prepared at all times. Remember who we are. There's a fine balance out there, remembering who we are. We are children of God, heirs to the throne of God. But watch out for spiritual arrogance out there. We need to remember the strength of our enemy and call upon the Lord in His strength at all times.

We always say, "We're soldiers of the cross," and if we use that analogy to soldiers in the armed forces: They go to boot camp, they learn how to be good soldiers, they are given protective armor, protective wear, they're given weapons of their warfare. They then go out in the name and the authority of the United States government. But they have to use what's given to them. They have to exercise those things. It doesn't do them any good if they leave all of their things in the barracks. Be mindful of that. Never go down to a killing center without spending time on your knees.

When my car hits 14th Street in Atlanta, I pray on my armor piece by piece. Do everything that you can to keep that armor on all day and keep in that spirit of prayer, that spirit of urgency.

Remember That It's the Lord's Battle

When I say "spirit of urgency," we need to understand the urgency of the hour. However, we also need to understand that it's God's battle and not take on too much. At one time I'd asked the Lord, "Lord help me to see what You see." And that was a mistake. My stomach went up into my chest and my chest went up into my throat. I cried constantly. I had massive headaches. I couldn't stand it. I'd wake up in the morning crying. I'd drive down there crying. I'd cry all day. I'd go home crying. At one time, my host family just didn't know what to do with me. I was crying constantly. And I had to ask the Lord to stop that. Because we cannot, in our physical body, bear what the Lord sees in the womb and what's happening.

So ask the Lord to give you a place. You will run an emotional gamut out there between horrifying realization of what's going on to downright indifference and being numb. And then, at some point, you will reach this medium, where you'll be able to do what you do and still maintain your sanity and your mental health.

We need to be prepared at all times. Robert Mesner says, "A prepared messenger is more important than a prepared message." Now, if being a prepared messenger is important, how much more so for us, because our message is life and death? So, be prepared at all times. Second Corinthians 10:3-4 says, "Although we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down of strongholds."

Maintain an Attitude of Prayer and Praise

Be in a spirit of prayer at all times. Prayer and fasting. We need to fast. If you go out once a week, then pray and fast. If you go out every day, you'll waste away if you fast all your life. But find a time when you can fast and pray, because the Lord will speak to you, and you'll gain strength and power that you wouldn't have otherwise.

Be in a spirit of praise. God said He meets us in our praise. We need to always be praising Him at all times because Christ does have the victory. We do have the victory in Christ Jesus.

Don't Let Satan Cause Divisions

And also, stay united. We need to be very careful, because Satan will get inside, and we've seen it in the pro-life movement. He gets inside, and he conquers and divides from within. He brings discouragement and deception among the Body of Christ, and that is from the pit of Hell. Any of us that have had any part of that need to confess that before the Lord and not have a part of it any more. I know the Body of Christ, and we're all a bunch of rotten little sinners. We're all capable of it. Be on your guard against it at all times, and remember that we're on the same side. Lift each other up in prayer at all times. Get to know who it is that you sidewalk counsel with and his or her heartaches and burdens, and lift that person up. Make that a point that you love him or her in the Lord, over and above maybe even the brother or sister at church. Because our fellow sidewalk counselors are fighting a battle that nobody else is, and there should be a kindred spirit to each other.

We need to stay united. Stay united with those in pro-life, politically. The crisis pregnancy centers. Sidewalk counselors. Rescuers. Everyone in this fight. Because Satan loves to divide and conquer, and a house divided against itself will not stand.

4. KAREN'S "DO NOT DO" LIST

We need also to remember that part of being a good soldier in this battle, as in any military operation, is not only in knowing what to do but also what not to do, like not to step on land mines and important things like that. Well, everybody knows about Karen Black's "Do Not Do List." It just kind of evolved. That's because anything stupid or ridiculous or obnoxious or ineffective that can be done out on a sidewalk, I've done. So I know all too well.

So when I start saying, "Don't do this," or "Don't do that," nobody's told me about you. These are just things I did, and I was not getting anywhere. These are things that I see done commonly in every city just by virtue of the fact that we are human beings, and this is a very emotional thing that we are fighting.

I'm also not here to say that Karen Black's way of sidewalk counseling is the only way to sidewalk counsel. Please, understand that. I have held children that have been saved by people doing the very things that I say not to do. However, if one child can be saved by using some methods, and a hundred by utilizing alternative techniques, then let's concentrate on the techniques that are the most effective. That just makes good sense.

And then if a child can be saved only by throwing aside these techniques, the Holy Spirit will lead you to do that, and that child will be saved. I myself have stood out there and I've said things that I didn't even know why, in heaven's name, I said that. Where did that come from? That ended up being everything she needed to hear. And then I've never said it since.

So the Lord will lead you to that. But be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and take what I have. I'm a different person from you, and we each have different temperaments, different personalities, and different gifts and talents, and the Lord can use each one of us in a different way.

I've seen my friend Joanna out there. I mean, she does everything totally differently than I do. For example, there have been times when I've given up, but Joanna always says, "You don't give up, you don't give up, you keep going, you keep going." Well, there have been lots of days when I've given up. One day, in particular, I just gave up. And I turned around, and Joanna was on her knees, on the sidewalk, begging for the life of that child. I've never done that. And it broke my heart. And that mom chose life for her child.

The Lord will use each of us in a different way. So, please, take what I present to you here, not as a "Gospel According to Karen Black," but as what the Lord has shown me, and take it and use it for yourself. You may not agree with all of it, and that's okay. God will use you. I'm not here to point fingers or condemn anybody else for anything they do. I will not stand out against another pro-lifer and how they reach out to save the lives of children. There are not enough warriors in this battle, and I won't stand out against any of them.

But the following eleven "Do Nots" are things that, in my opinion and my observation, are things that will make your sidewalk Counseling less effective. These are mistakes I feel we need to avoid.

Do Not Bring Signs.

One of the things I want you to understand as you read this, is I'm talking specifically about sidewalk counseling. And in my personal opinion, sidewalk counseling is not picketing. I believe, with all of my heart, they are totally counter- productive.

I am not against picketing. We have picketing in Atlanta. But we reserve the picketing for the mills where we don't have access to the women or we can't reach them at all. And we bring out our signs then, and we do our picketing.

Again, I've held babies that have been saved because someone had a picture of an aborted baby, and she saw that, and she said she couldn't have this abortion. But I personally only know two. Now, you may know more. But don't settle for two. I believe that that same woman, with that tender heart who reacted to a picture, would have reacted also to the words you had to say. And she also would have responded to the literature.

Picket when you can picket, but when you sidewalk counsel, leave your signs at home. Because the average woman has been spending weeks pushing this child to the recesses of her mind so that she can do what she's going to do. She doesn't want to think baby, she doesn't want to look at baby.

Again, what's our first objective? To win her to you, so she'll stop and talk to you and take your literature. Now, if I were coming for an abortion, and you wanted to talk to me, and you were standing there with a big sign of an aborted baby, I would not walk up to you and talk to you. I am not going to stand there, look at the sign and say, "Oh, yeah, that's an abortion, that's what I'm gonna do." No way! I would run from that picture.

And I have seen it over and over again. I've seen a woman look at the signs, take her purse, wrap it around her chest, put her head down, and run in. Very few run away. They run in to what they mistakenly think is their help and people that care about them. They have a hard time with those signs.

I believe that signs close an opportunity of communication, and that is what you are trying to do -- communicate love and help and alternatives to her. Those signs will chase her in, not away.

Again, this advice does not pertain to all circumstances. When you can picket, picket. But when there is an opportunity to reach the woman one-on-one, then sidewalk counsel.

Do Not Bring Crowds.

Don't bring crowds for sidewalk counseling. Again, for picketing, the more people you have, the better. But in sidewalk counseling, it's very intimidating for a woman. She doesn't want to walk up to a crowd of people to talk to them. So, keep the crowds away and have very few. We never have more than three on the sidewalk -- depending on what mill you go to and how the driveways are set up -- so that she doesn't feel like she's being ganged up on. She'll run away. I have even gone out by myself sometimes, when I didn't have anyone to go with me, and that works, too.

She arrives, usually with someone else, and if she speaks to just one counselor , she feels like she has the upper hand. But if two or three people at a time talk to her, the woman will back off. I've seen them, as I stand in the second driveway of Surgi-Center (I mention that mill most of the time because that's where I practically live my life). She's the passenger usually, not always, but usually. I see her look at me, and I'll smile, and she'll smile back. And it's already registered with her that I'm okay and I'm not a threat. I'm not going to harass her. I'm not standing there with a terrible sign; I'm not screaming or yelling at her. She'll park her car, and her heart's already prepared to speak to me and respond to me.

But I've also seen, when I'm standing there with just two other counselors, and I smile, and she'll smile, and she'll look at them, and she'll look down. She'll look again, she rolls up her window, and she puts up her defenses. She's thinking, "They're going to gang up on me."

When there's only one person standing there, half the time she doesn't know who you are. They were asking us if they pay us for parking. They don't even know who we are. But if there's a crowd of people, they know.

So don't have a crowd of people unless you're picketing, and then bring out as many as you can.

Do Not Bring Your Children.

I know sometimes it's real difficult to get child care, but don't bring children sidewalk counseling. For picketing, it's wonderful. I think it's wonderful to see a small child holding a sign and standing for righteousness, and we need to teach our children at a very young age to stand up, because they've got a war ahead of them. And they need to learn to stand up for righteousness.

But sidewalk counseling, they get in the way, God love their little hearts. And mean Satan trips them, knocks them down, does all kinds of things, and Johnny's got to use the bathroom more times than he ever has in his life. I've been out there, and I'm talking to women that are pulling in, and I've turned around and looked for another counselor, and she's across the street putting a Band-Aid on little Johnny's boo-boo, or whatever -- she's just not available. So, leave children at home for sidewalk counseling, because you will not be available to speak to the women.

Do Not Talk Among Yourselves.

You spend hours out there sometimes, and you get tired, and maybe there's a lull in the girls coming, and you start to talk. What happens then is you lose that spirit of prayer, that spirit of urgency. One day at Surgi-Center we were talking, and we had started to laugh. And a woman came out, and she said, "I'm dying inside here! Don't you understand what I'm going through today, and you're out here laughing?" We need to be sensitive to that.

I've had people come up and say, "If this is so all-fired important to you, why don't you act like it?"

So we need to watch at all times that we're not jibber-jabbering and being light-hearted out there because they think that you're not caring about them and you're not really serious about what you're doing.

And also it distracts you. I mean, I don't know where they come from, but they come from everywhere; they come out of the cracks, but they come from somewhere. They get by you if you are talking, and you will miss an opportunity. So keep on each other about that. Use peer pressure, in love, and don't talk among yourselves.

Do Not Run After Her.

Talk about intimidation! Also, if you run after a woman in Atlanta, half the time you're running after her in the dark [because it’s so early in the morning], and my friend Sue almost got maced one day! So you have to be very careful. Don't do it. It's intimidation.

Be very calm. I know it's hard.

Right now, we are just full of pro-aborts, and I went out there not too long ago, and I just got angry. They were sitting on my rock. How dare they sit on my rock! That's my rock to sit on, and they had taken over. I got there, and I was the only one there, and there were four of them already. And in a couple of hours, there were six pro-aborts. And I thought, "Lord, I'm not going to let them discourage me. I am not going to get full of anxiety out here. I'm here. That's all I can be. You told me to be here, and I'm here. I can't outrun and out-maneuver four women that are allowed on the property, and I'm not." I was walking up and down the front of the sidewalk, and I just sang Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, and I was as calm as a cucumber. And I prayed, "Lord, You want children saved here today -- You're going to have to do it. You do it anyway. I'm going to just keep walking back and forth, and You are going to have to open the doors. If there is a woman that's going to come here today who would listen if I had time to talk to her, then You're just going to have to do it."

And He started doing incredible things. I prayed for the spirit of confusion to them. They got distracted. They started talking among each other. They didn't see the girls arriving. And I did. I got to a girl in a cab that pulled up. There was a group of pro-aborts talking here and a group talking there, and they didn't even see me talking to the cab right in front of them. I loaded up the cab driver with literature, and I got it to every one of the girls in there. Then, later on, a couple driving a truck pulled in across the street. And I could tell they didn't know they had gone to the wrong place. They were there asking for directions. While the pro-aborts were still yakking, I went across the street, talked to the couple, and we had two confirmed babies saved that day!

So just relax and do what you can do out there. God's going to do the rest. He's the one that does it anyway.

If you've been out there and have saved any children, you know this already. We have very little to do with those children being saved, other than that we're there and we're available as instruments of God. It is the Holy Spirit of God that sways the hearts of these women. We need to remember that. This is His battle, and we need to rest in Him.

Joanna helped me learn to rest in Him. She would tell me, "Karen, we're there for the women that want the help." And I was taking on the burden of the world. For the most part, the sad fact is, the women aren't going to listen to you. They don't want it. They don't want it. They don't want it. If the Holy Spirit of God cannot sway their hearts, you and I can't. So, do what we can do and be available, and the Lord will see that they get to us.

I've been standing there when there are pro-aborts all over, the door is right in front of the woman, and she can't find the door! It's right there! And she doesn't ask the pro-aborts. She comes and asks me where the door is. God can do that. God can hide a door! He's God.

A few weeks ago, the pro-aborts brought a dog out there to intimidate me, and I have this terrible fear of dogs. I knew it was deliberately to intimidate me. But I just looked at that dog, and I said, "Lord, he's just a dog. I mean, You may have trouble working with my heart, but he's just a dog! Make him love me, Lord." And this dog turned around with these big old sad eyes, looked at me, and the fear went away. So I went up to him and started talking to him, and the dog's owner was a new pro-abort. I had never seen her before. The dog's name was Shasta. You know, you give attention to someone's dog, and it's like giving attention to her baby. And so we got a rapport going.

So, just let God do it, and let the fear and anxiety fall.

Do Not Ask Her a Question.

This applies whether you're counseling a woman on the sidewalk or on the telephone. I get calls all hours of the night, and when you're talking to a woman on the phone and trying to talk her out of an abortion, you only have the words you're speaking and your tone of voice. You have nothing else working for you. You can't show her a baby model. You can't show her any pictures. She can't see your face. You've got your voice and what you say. All she has to do is take that receiver, hang it up, and she's gone. Be very careful what you say. Don't ever ask her questions. Don't, on the sidewalk, ever ask a girl a question. We do this very easily. It just happens. But you ask her a question, you're going to get an answer, and it's going to be the wrong one. And if you only have two or three seconds to talk to her, you can't get back into it again.

Don't ask her if she wants the literature. She'll probably tell you no. Then what do you do? Don't ask her if she wants to go to a crisis pregnancy center unless she's really changed her mind and you've won her over. Otherwise, she'll probably say no. And then you'll fumble around, trying to get hold of the conversation again, and you'll lose her.

You -- as best as you possibly can -- lovingly, kindly, take control. She is a little robot. I've seen them come, and they're in trances. They've got a glaze over their eyes. And they just do what they're told. If you offer them literature, they'll take it, and if a pro-abort comes and says "Gimme that," they'll go, "Okay." They just do it. They don't even think. They're out of it.

They're under a tremendous amount of stress and pressure. So we need to help them know how to think, what to do. And you can do that. You can't boss her around, but you can take control.

There was a friend of mine running a hot line, and he related to me that after he did my seminar, that a woman called up and said, "I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I should do this, or if I should that. I've got this problem, I got that problem. I don't know. Maybe I should have the abortion. Maybe I shouldn't -- "

And he remembered that I said just take control. So he said, "No, ma'am, what you're going to do is you're going to get in your car, you're going to drive over here right now, and we're going to do all that we have to do to help you have this baby." He said there was silence. And she just said, "Oh! Okay!" And she came in and she said, "Thank you for just taking that decision away from me."

Woman after woman after woman that I have counseled for post-abortion emotional trauma has told me, "That choice was too broad." It was too big. It was their biggest enemy. There were no parameters. There were no walls. There were no do-not-do's. God gives us those laws and those rules for our protection, out of love. And when we break through them, there's nothing but destruction and harm.

I've had women say that they felt like a two-year-old playing around a pool with no fence. So, we need to love them enough to say, "I'm going to be that wall for you. I'm going to stand that way out of love, and I'm not going to let you do this because I care about you." But do that in love.

If someone says, "Well I'll let you do whatever you decide," that is a major cop-out. It's easy to back off and let somebody else destroy her life. It takes a lot of emotional time and energy to get involved in someone's life to try to encourage her not to do something destructive.

Please! If I'm ever at a point of despair, and I'm standing on a bridge ready to jump off, please care enough about getting in my life and yank me off that bridge and take away my choice. We need to care about people and get into their lives.

Do Not Keep Talking After She Tells You She's Not Interested.

If someone has gone by you on the sidewalk, and she has taken the literature, and that's all she's done, and she has let you know, either by her body language or that she quickens her pace to get away from you or she actually says, "Get out of my face," get out of her face. Do NOT continue talking. Do NOT continue saying something. It's gone. She has closed you out. It doesn't matter what wonderful words you were going to say, she's not going to receive a bit of it, and you are going to make her angry. Those few little words you were going to say aren't going to change her mind. It's just going to make her mad.

I don't know about the particular mills in your town, but in Atlanta, the women go in, and they come back out. They go in. They come back out. They come back out for paperwork, and they go back in. They come out to check on a toddler in the car. They go in and out. And if I have made her mad the very first time she's gone in, I've closed the door of communication for the other times that she comes out.

If you get literature into her hands, praise God! You have accomplished a great deal. Just shut up and leave it there. Let the literature do what you would have done. Let it say to her what you would have said. I've had woman after woman that has come out -- has still got the literature in her hand. Recently, one woman came out -- had her refund check right in the middle of her literature, and she said, "If I hadn't read it, I would have made the biggest mistake of my life." Women have said that to me over and over again, that same phrase, even. So let that happen.

But I've also seen that when you continue talking after a woman has taken the literature, she says, "I told you, that's enough!" And they take the literature and rip it and throw it on the ground. And you've lost that opportunity. So just back off. If she says, I don't want to talk to you any more, say "Okay, God bless you, honey."

If she has not taken the literature, and she wants you out of her face, back off and get out of the way. If she comes back out again, it's already registered with her, "They're not going to harass me." She's already in, she has already started her paperwork, she's calming down a little bit, and she comes back to you again, thinking, "Well I've gotten through the pro-lifers. That wasn't so bad. They didn't harass me." And her guard's down. And a lot of times, she will come up and ask you for literature. She'll say, "I'm sorry. You know, I didn't treat you very nice." She'll ask you for the literature.

And if she doesn't -- If a woman goes in, does not take the literature, and she comes back out, I still don't approach her, because I know she's got to get by me to get back in. So when she comes out the first time, I just back out and smile, don't say anything. And she'll smile back. And she'll go to her car and do whatever, and as she's on her way back in, I might approach her again. Her anger level is way down, and she'll be far more receptive.

Do Not Interrupt Another Counselor.

This can be a real serious problem sometimes, and I've been guilty of this. But don't interrupt another counselor. She has a very small time frame to get this woman's attention. And you may be standing close enough to hear what's being said, and you may think, "Oh, gosh, I know exactly what I'm going to say about that." But you need to be quiet anyway.

Now, if I have said everything that I know to say and the woman is not leaving, but she's not going in either, many times I have called Joanna over. And I've said, "Joanna, this is so and so. This is her situation. Do you have anything to add?" But make sure that you're invited. And it's true. Joanna may be standing by; if she's not counseling, she not under the pressure right then, and her mind's free to think. And she may have the very thing that woman needs to hear. And even if you don't call someone else over, the other counselor can always walk up to her again herself. But don't interrupt.

Do Not Yell Out, "Don't Kill Your Baby!"

This is a very very common mistake, because it's something inside us that we feel compelled to say. But think about it. What are we trying to do? We are trying to win her over to us so that we can talk to her, and you've just called her a murderer. She is participating in murder, and that, indeed, is the truth. But that is not how we influence friends, and she's not going to respond to that.

Also, don't yell out, "Give your baby up for adoption!" I've seen women put their hands over their head and go "Oh! What kind of woman do you think I am, I'd give my baby away!" And you're saying, "Oh! What kind of woman are you, going to go in to kill it!" You're thinking pro-life. She's thinking pro-choice.

We need to understand how difficult it is for a woman to place her child for adoption. It's very difficult. You have to understand who you're talking to. Now, it's true, not all women going in for an abortion really want to have abortions. A lot of women are pushed into the corner, and they don't want to think it's their only option. But the average aborted woman will confess that, somewhere along the line, she weighed, "baby or me? baby or me?" and the baby lost out. And it was a self-centered, selfish decision in favor of the abortion.

For a woman to go through nine months of pregnancy, give birth, know that it's a little girl or a little boy, know its birth date, maybe secretly named it, and go the rest of her life wondering, "Is it crawling now? Is it walking? Is it healthy? Is it okay?" That's a hard thing to do. That is a mature, loving, adult, caring woman. If she is not able to care for her child herself, and she takes that child, gives it life, and places it in the arms of a loving, caring family, that woman is a wonderful, mature, loving woman. That's not who you're talking to out there!

The woman you're talking to is self-centered and selfish, and she's not about to put herself through that discomfort. So, we need to remember, don't just scream out, "Adoption!" The woman who places her child for adoption is offering a wonderful gift of love, and she's thinking of that child, and its future. That is not what the woman going for an abortion is doing. She's thinking of herself. You're wasting your breath, talking about that baby. Concentrate on her.

Actually, don't yell out anything out there. BECAUSE IT'S REAL HARD TO YELL LOVE!! If you're that far away that she can't hear you and you've got to yell, it won't come out right. Your face screws up. Women, especially, sound like a bunch of screeching hens out there. I've been at Mid-Town, standing down in the driveway, and the counselors are at the top. I know my counselors; they would never scream or yell out anything unkind or unloving. But you can't hear it. It is received by the women as being yelled at. And it turns them off. So, if you're that far away, don't yell. Men can do this a lot better because their voices project. But even then, men should be very careful in what they say.

Do Not Look Unprofessional.

Go out there well groomed. I usually go out, as much as possible, in skirts and blouses. I'm not saying you have to do that, but do look as professional as possible. Not only are we representing Christ out there, but when we're well groomed, people tend to pay more attention to what we say. The following quotation came out of an advertising flier. It has nothing to do with sidewalk counseling, but the message is very applicable to us as sidewalk counselors.

"Each one of us has an image, whether we want one or not. Our image is largely projected by what our clothes say to the world about who we are, what we want, and where we are going. Research shows that appearance is the first thing people evaluate about you. Within seven seconds, people will decide on your competence -- a credibility based on the visual image you present. Only after you have made a favorable visual impression, will people begin to concentrate on your message."

We've got an important message. And if the way we dress makes a difference, then we need to watch how we dress. We need to remember that she's going to walk up to us first, and if we look like something that the cat drug in, we've lost credibility right there. She doesn't listen. Now, she has not left her house saying, "I'm going to pay attention to the one that's well groomed." No. It's just human nature. She walks past the sidewalk counselor and the next person she sees is the receptionist sitting behind the desk. This woman hasn't been standing out in the rain all day. She's got her earrings on. She's got her business suit on. She looks like she knows what she's talking about. And she'll be believed, even though she's going to tell the woman a pack of lies.

We have got to get this woman's attention however we can. It is very important how we dress.

And for you men - If you don't have a beard, shave. Comb your hair. Consider wearing a suit and tie.

And remember that you're representing Christ out there.

Do Not Be Overly Religious.

Please, please, please, pay close attention to what I'm about to say, because I'm misquoted on this one all the time.

When you are sidewalk counseling, don't wear Christian tee-shirts, pro-life tee-shirts, pro-life buttons, or even your baby's feet. Not everyone agrees with me on this.

Wear them picketing all you want. Wear everything you want to wear when you're picketing.

But when you are sidewalk counseling, you should just want to be seen as someone who cares about her. Not a member of a specific church. Not even a pro-lifer. Just a man or a woman that cares about this woman.

The world is hurting, and Christians have lost credibility in the world. And rightfully so. We have not been the salt and light that we should be. We've not been there for a world that's hurting and lost and dying. And we've lost credibility. They don't want to hear about us.

They'll be turned off from us. Just as, if you're well groomed, she might respond to you, if you stand out there looking like a Christian, it turns them off. Instantly turns them off. She thinks, "Oh, you're just one of those religious idiots." And everything you have to say falls to the ground. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. And we need to be aware of the way the world perceives Christians.

Don't stand out there with a Bible in your hands. Now, I have been criticized for this, and people say that I am from the pit of Hell because I am "ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ." I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is the hope of salvation. And Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I carry my Bible down there, and I keep it in my car. I've led countless numbers of girls to the Lord in my car at Surgi-Center, after they have chosen life for their children.

If we're going street preaching, then we need our Bibles, and we need our gospel tracts, and we need to be out there, preaching hellfire and brimstone. But when a woman is on her way in for an abortion, our first priority is reaching that woman in order to save the life of that child.

Now, I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ is of more importance than the abortion issue. That is what He came for. That is what He died for. And I believe those children go to be with the Lord, and that those women are faced with an eternity without Christ. I believe that is of utmost importance to the Lord.

But at that moment, we need to reach the urgency of the hour. We need to live the gospel to her and reach her that way.

Let me give you an illustration. We had a man and his wife that came to Surgi-Center. They pulled in, and -- he told me this afterwards -- he told his wife, "If she mentions Jesus, I'm going to slap her in the face." And I didn't know that. She walked by me, I offered her literature, and she refused it. He stopped, and he took it. Then he stood there, and he let me talk and let me talk and let me talk.

And he told me afterwards, "I was waiting and waiting and waiting, because I wanted you to mention Jesus so that I could slap you in the face. But you didn't do it. You kept talking about my wife and your concerns for her physically, mentally and emotionally. And then concerns about me and how this was going to hurt my masculine instincts. And how this was going to damage our marriage and hurt our relationship."

In the middle of that, he stopped me and said, "Wait a minute, I want my wife to hear this." And he went in and he brought her out. And I shared with her, and she chose life for her child. But then she told me that the baby was diagnosed as Down's syndrome, and she said, "We have to be honest. We cannot care for this child." They were in the military, and they were very young. So she decided that they would place the child for adoption.

When I heard that, I just praised God, because the night before I had received a call from someone south of the city who said, "Karen we've adopted three Down's syndrome children; we would love to have another one. Do you have another Down's syndrome child?" I had their name and number on my dashboard. So I brought the couple over to my car, and we exchanged names and numbers. But then cars started coming in. And Sue was across the street, making a whole list of phone calls for me, and there wasn't anybody else to help, and so I excused myself to counsel the other girls that were arriving. I looked over, and they were still standing by my car. And I'd go talk to them for a while, then I'd excuse myself when the next car pulled in. I went back and forth and back and forth, and they never left. That Jesus that they didn't want to hear about was suddenly all they wanted to talk about. And the two of them knelt there in the muddy grass of Surgi-Center and trusted Christ.

I'm not saying "Don't share the gospel of Jesus Christ out there." But, please, understand what's happening. This is a spiritual battle. This is utter darkness. They are people in darkness, going to an even darker place.

Now, if I came to your house at 2:00 a.m., and you were sound asleep, and I turned on this huge spotlight and shined it in your face and started talking to you a mile a minute about something, you couldn't perceive it. You'd be only partially coherent, and the light would be blinding you.

Light can do one of two things: it can light your path, or it can blind you. Yes, do take the light of Jesus Christ out there, but watch your spiritual "dimmer switch." Just turn it up slowly and gently. And help their spiritual hearts and minds to be able to begin to absorb it.

We need to live the gospel of Jesus Christ out there. Some people say, "Well, I'm going out there, and I'm going to do it this way, I'm going to preach to them, I'm going to let them know what I think, and I'm going to come down against evil." Well, you go ahead and continue doing it. And then you look up in your sidewalk counseling diary and see how many children's names are there. I'm sorry, but it's not going to happen. Some people call it compromise. I don't call it compromise. Paul says in I Corinthians 8:22, "I have become all things to all men that I might by all means save some." We have to adjust out there. We have to be able to move with the situation.

Let your light shine, but, as I said, use your spiritual dimmer switch. And concentrate on living the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Lord will give you the opportunity to share the word.

St. Augustine said "Preach the gospel at all times, and, when necessary, use words."

Again, some people are saying, "Oh, well, I'm going to continue." I learned a new saying last summer: "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." All of us need to be open to rebuke and open to change.

I went to a seminar not too long ago, on counseling, and someone said, "What do you need that for?" Because, I'm just Karen Black. I'm nobody. And I need all the help I can to learn more and more, to be more effective. The Lord wants especially for us to have a broken and contrite spirit.

Hold On, You're Still Not Ready To Hit the Sidewalks

I've given you some things so far, and you may be saying to yourself, "Okay, I'm going to go out next Saturday (or whenever you're going to go out) and you're saying, I remember Karen Black's seminar, and I've got a new mind set now. I'm trying as best I can to leave my pro-life thinking at home, and I'm trying to think pro-choice. I'm trying to get into the heart of this woman, and I've gotten on my knees and I've confessed my condemnation and my judgment of her. I've asked the Lord for a new heart, a heart of love for her. I'm prayed up, I'm armored up, I'm well groomed, and I'm standing here with a smile on my face and the proper literature in my hand, now what do I do?"

I had one woman tell me that she went out, and she said she was all ready. She got everything ready, she was all prayed up, she had a fistful of literature, and she was standing there. She said a woman walked up the sidewalk, and she smiled, and the woman smiled back, and she thought, "Uh oh." She knew she was in trouble. And she kind of held the literature downward, hoping that the woman wouldn't take it. Well, the woman took it. And she said, "Oh, no no no, Lord, make her go away, make her go away." She didn't know what to do. She realized, "Okay, I did all the right things so far, she took the literature from me, but now what do I do, what do I say?" She never ever expected the woman to respond and take her literature. She was not prepared. The woman had questions she didn't have answers to. And she didn't know what to do. The Lord intervened and brought somebody up alongside of her and helped her out. But we need to be prepared.

What I have said so far has just been to prepare your heart and to prepare your mind and give you a mind set. In the next section I'm going to discuss some of the typical scenarios you will encounter out there, and show you exactly what you can say and do when this girl has that particular problem, and how you can respond to her in love.

5. A GOOD SOLDIER NEEDS THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT

Preferred Literature for Sidewalk Counseling

A. It's Your Turn (Xeroxed onto pink paper)

I didn't like a lot of the sidewalk counseling literature that I saw because it either had a mention of abortion on the front or showed a picture of a baby or whatever, and everybody thinks I'm anti-baby. I'm not. There's a reason. There's a method to my madness.

And the wife of my host family suggested to me the name for this. Women are always saying to me, "You know, it's my turn in life. I've done this, and I've done that for other people. Now it's my turn to look out for myself and my job and my career," They would use that phrase, "It's my turn." So I named it that. In this brochure, the focus is on her. How to protect herself. "It's your turn to protect yourself physically." "It's your turn to think of yourself." "It's your turn to think of yourself mentally, emotionally." It centers on her. This brochure goes along with my method of sidewalk counseling. This brochure has also been translated into Spanish. [See samples attached.]

You'll notice, on the back of "It's Your Turn," I have an 800 number. This is Charlie Wysong's organization, American Rights Coalition, for women to call if they have an injury. American Rights Coalition maintains a 24-hour hotline to a switchboard of pro-life workers in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and they have a nationwide network of physicians, abortion malpractice attorneys and post-abortion counselors. Any woman who calls the number, (800) 634-2224, seeking any kind of medical, legal or emotional help after an abortion, will be directed to someone in her area who will be able to help her.

B. A Brief, Simple List of Local Resources

I also include in it a short list of resources, maternity homes and crisis pregnancy centers and the help that's available in the surrounding areas of Atlanta. And you need to include your own. Don't make it too detailed, or you'll overwhelm her with information. [Ed. note: This information can be arranged in triplicate on an 8-½" by 11" sheet of paper and then cut to the same width as the 8-week Baby flier, so it will tuck easily inside the "It’s Your Turn" brochure. See sample attached.]

C. " Eight-Week Old Developing Baby" and "Did You Know" fliers

I also include a picture of an eight-week old developing fetus, so the woman can see the truth. I believe she also needs to see the truth of abortion, so I also include a "Did You Know."But the pamphlet is joined where it's folded down the middle, and I was seeing that the women were just flipping through the pages, and what they were seeing was just the front and the back, not the part inside. So we slice them open at the fold so they can see what an abortion is, and they get to see the truth. [Ed. note: I’ve never had this problem; in fact, I’ve noticed that the Did You Know flier is usually the first thing people look at, so I use the flier the way it is, not cut apart.]

Both the "Eight-Week Baby" flier and "Did You Know" flier are available in several languages from Hayes Publishing Co., Inc., 6304 Hamilton Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 45224, (513) 681-7559.

D. "It’s Your Choice" gospel tract

As I said before, it is not our main objective to be evangelizing out there, even though the Lord opens the door to that down there more than He does anywhere else. But we also include a tract. Somebody from Alabama gave me the one we use; it's called "It's Your Choice."

Now, I had been including a different gospel tract before, but it leaned very heavily on forgiveness, which, praise God, is a major part of the gospel. But I know women. And they respond, "Oh, I can be forgiven of this, I can do this." This tract, on the other hand, weighs very heavily on the consequences of every decision that we make in life. And I've had three women decide to have their children because they picked up "It's Your Choice" and read that. They never looked at one picture of an aborted baby or read any of the literature. It was because, after reading that tract, they realized that this is a heavy-duty decision with heavy-duty consequences. So I encourage you to use that. It’s published by American Tract Society, P. O. Box 462008, Garland, Texas 95046; (800) 548-7228. The cost is $8 per 100 tracts, plus shipping. Although this particular tract is not available in Spanish, American Tract Society does have a wide selection of Spanish gospel tracts.

[Ed. note: Tuck all four items, (a) the resource sheet, (b) the 8-Week Baby flier, (c) the Did You Know flier, and (d) the It’s Your Choice gospel tract, all the way inside the pink It’s Your Turn pamphlet, and be ready to hand this to the woman.]

E. "For Men Only" pamphlet

I frequently use the "For Men Only" brochure because it's directed specifically to the man. This brochure is available in English and Spanish from Easton Publishing Company, Inc., P. O. Box 1064, Jefferson City, Missouri 65102 (314) 635-0609). If I have a man and a woman approaching me, and they're coming up the sidewalk, I ignore her. I do not approach her. I approach the man. I put the "For Men Only" over the "It's Your Turn." And I hand this to him. Now, there will be men that will refuse to take it, but most men take it right away because it's got a picture of a guy on the front, and it says, "for men only," and I offer it to them. But if they don't want it, I say, "Well, you're a man, aren't you?" And then they usually take it. Because they're not going to say they're not a man. And I see it happen over and over again. He looks at the two brochures, and one has a picture of a guy and says "for men only." The other one is pink and has flowers, and he'll say, "Here, this is for you." And he gives it to her. He does it for you. So, this is extremely effective, and it works on encouraging the men to be responsible and to help her in a situation.

Adapted from a seminar given May 7, 1994 by Karen Black

CONTINUE READING PART 2

Posted: August 1, 2004 03:18 PM