Sidewalk Counseling Handbook "PART 2"

August 01, 2004

Other Equipment to Have Ready And How to Use It

A. Picture of "David"

Everybody says, "Oh, Karen's against using pictures of aborted babies." I'm not against using pictures of aborted babies. It's the manner in which the woman receives them.

A woman may not respond to seeing a big huge picture shoved in her face. That may close the door of opportunity for her to speak to you, but I believe she needs to see the truth. And so I always carry with me at all times a picture of David, which is a photograph of a decapitated baby aborted at seven months. I suggest that you get it, even if you sidewalk counsel at an abortion clinic that does not kill children this large. Carry this with you. I hide it in my hand on purpose. I do not want her to see it until I have her at the place that I want her to be in the counseling, where I've got her convinced I care about her. Then I will show her the child, and I begin that process of having her transfer her thinking from herself to her child.

When I use the picture of David, I'm very careful with it, and I tell her, "Honey, this is hard to look at, but this is an abortion." I don't say, "Don't go in there and let them chop the baby's arms and legs off and decapitate its head and crush its skull." I say, "Honey, don't do this to yourself." I'm talking about her. "Don't do this to yourself." She's not stupid. She knows what that means. She'll think to herself, "The memory and the realization of this is going to live with me for the rest of my life." When you show her the aborted baby, use it to encourage her to protect her mental health.

Our society as a whole is becoming more and more aware of the fact that we need to protect our mental health. We have recovery groups for alcoholics. Recovery groups for divorce. Recovery groups for this and that, and yes, they help people if those programs include Christ. But it's a long haul. Help her to understand, she needs to think about herself and avoid bringing that enormous grief on herself.

You say, "That's all she's doing, is thinking about herself"? True. She is being self-centered and selfish, and is wrapped up with thinking about herself. And her parents may have been working on her for twenty-plus years to get her to stop thinking about herself -- you are not going to get her to stop thinking about herself all of a sudden out there. Instead, let her think about herself. Encourage her to think about herself.

You say, "Honey, you need to think about yourself. You need to protect yourself!" She'll love it. She wants to hear about herself. You'll have a captive audience. There was a woman on the phone the other night, and she was trying to preface everything that she had to say with, "Well, everybody says I need to think about the baby." I told her, "No. We're not going to talk about the baby. We're going to talk about you. Now, I want you to think about yourself." She instantly calmed down. She instantly wanted to hear everything I had to say about her. And then I worked her into thinking about the baby and how it was going to affect her. Use that phrase and that line of thinking, "in order to protect herself."

Someone once told me, "The government of the United States 'protected me' from making a horrible mistake." Our government is not protecting any of us any more. We need to protect this woman. That's why God gives us the rules He does -- to protect us from ourselves. Because, left alone, each one of us is headed for destruction.

B. High-Quality 12-Week Fetal Model

If you don't have one, get one. This is the 12-week fetal model with the baby's little feet and hands, and it's sucking its thumb, and it's all curled up, and it's cute.

The one I use came from Womanity, 1700 Oak Park Blvd. Annex, Pleasant Hill, CA 94523 (510) 943-6424. They cost $7.50, plus $4 for shipping and handling, but it's very much worth the cost over those little 50-cent pink plastic ones. [Ed. note: A similar fetal model is available from Human Life International, Item No. M157, $3.00, plus $3.50 flat shipping/handling, 7845 Airpark Road, Suite E, Gaithersburg, MD 20879, (301) 670-7884).]

You use this fetal model to endear the mother to the baby, to get her maternal instincts to come back up. You don't say, "It's got little hands and feet and it's sucking its thumb, and you're going to go in and chop its hands and legs off, you terrible, horrible person." If you do that, you've just lost her. She's not going to stand there and talk to you. Now, what she's about to do is truly horrible. However, you're talking to an emotional woman. And you need to make this come alive.

And don't call it a baby. "What!?" you say, "We've been trying for twenty years to get the media and the pro-choice community to say 'baby.'" But they aren't doing it, folks. They haven't been doing it.

Also, when they call it a fetus, they're not lying. They're not wrong. The description of a fetus is a young child. When we leave the embryo stage, we become a fetus, we stay a fetus until we are born, and then we become a newborn. Whether we're born in the sixth month, the seventh month, the eighth month or the ninth month. We need to call it what they call it. Use pro-choice rhetoric. All the time, every opportunity you get. Call it a fetus. Why?

If you get a girl to take your literature, and you begin talking about her, and about the child, and you call this a fetus, which it is, what are you doing? You call it "fetus" over and over and over. If she doesn't stop at that moment and change her mind, but goes inside, then when they start saying "fetus," because they want her to think of something up here in "never-never land," she's already seen it. She's thinking, "Fetus. That's a baby."

She's not stupid. They want her to be stupid. They want her to be empty-headed so that they can put into her what they want her to think and what they want her to believe, and we need to stop treating the women like idiots and tell them the truth. This is a fetus. Call it a fetus. Let her tell herself that that's a baby.

So, when you use these things, always be thinking, "woman woman woman." If I'm going to show her a picture of an aborted baby, how do I present that to her? How do I make her think that I care about her in this situation?

C. American Rights Coalition's "Injury Report"

We also have, in Atlanta, Charlie Wysong's "Injury Report" This is a monthly publication available from American Rights Coalition, P. O. Box 487, Chattanooga TN 37401, 1-(800) 634-2224. There is one particular issue that is good for us to use at Surgi-Center because it shows an ambulance taking Katherine Pearce out, who died as a result of an abortion there.

Find out the dirt on your abortionist, because there's plenty of it. Go to the Health Department or to the courthouse or whatever you have to do to track down these public records. Print it up, have your facts well documented and have it look attractive. Be well informed about your abortion mill. These things are a matter of public record. And you should use it out there. Let the women know, tell them, "You have a right to know that an abortion is not safe." And tell her what that particular doctor has been accused of.

Because, if you get a woman to stop and talk to you, the first thing you want to do is to start dispelling the lies about the safety of abortion. Don't use it as a scare tactic, so much as "You know, honey, listen, you need to protect yourself, you need to think about yourself, you need to choose a safe facility. You have a right to know that this is not a safe place to be." And then people say, "Well, where is a safe place to be?" Then you'd better know what the other places in town have done wrong. And then you'd better tell her, "There is no such thing as a safe and legal abortion." There is a legal abortion, but there is no such thing as a safe abortion. Every abortion is a potential danger to her, physically, mentally and emotionally.

But know your facts and know the mill that you're at. You need to know it inside and out.

D. Pamphlet Entitled "Surviving Abortion"

This pamphlet is help for the aborted woman, to give to her afterwards. Do not give it to her going in. If she reads it ahead of time, she will think that she can get over this real easily, and she can't. But I do give it to women after they have had an abortion, coming out.

And, by the way, you need to stay at an abortion clinic long enough to see the whole process. If you don't, you won't be there to see all the women who changed their mind and came back out because you were there. And you're going to end up being discouraged. If you don't have a woman that stops at the time you're talking to her and turn around and leave, you're not going to know about the women who took the literature, went in and read it, and then changed their minds because you gave that to them. Go out and determine that you're going to put in a day. Not an hour or two. Because all that's doing is setting you up for discouragement. You'll do all the work, and you won't receive the fruits of it. So stay out there long enough to see that.

6. GETTING CONTROL OF THE FEARS THAT ARE HOLDING YOU BACK

As you're reading this, you may be saying, "Well, Karen, you make it sound so simple." I know it's not that simple. Especially out there on the sidewalk, it's not easy. Maybe you've never even tried going out on the sidewalk because, deep inside, you're scared to death. And we need to remember, whether it's on the sidewalk, or whether it's violating an injunction, trespassing or whatever it is that you are going to be called upon to do, we need to get control of the spirit of fear. Because, if we don't, it will plague us.

Fear is not an indifferent spirit. You can't overcome it by simply walking away. It will go after you. And it will consume you.

When we had the Easter rescue in Los Angeles back in March of 1989 (and anybody that was there remembers the screaming and the yelling and the crying and all that, the horses and everything) -- well, I wimped out royal. I was scared to death. I do not like pain. At all. I have a very low tolerance for pain. And finally, there was this little girl, about thirteen, fourteen, who was crying, and she took my hand and said, "Will you walk with me, will you walk with me, please?" And I said, "Sure, honey, I'll walk with you." And I walked. While other rescuers were getting their arms twisted for refusing to walk, in order to buy a little more time for the babies, I found an excuse, and I walked.

And I went home, and it bothered me. It bothered me, and it bothered me. And I thought, "Well you little wimp! You were so afraid of letting your arms or your legs get wrenched a little bit, you'd stand back and let them tear the children's arms and legs off." And it bothered me. It plagued me. And I realized that I had let the spirit of fear rule in my life, rather than calling upon what the Lord had for me.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Fear defeats more people than any one thing in the world."

When you stop and think about it, if there's something that you knew you were supposed to do, how many times was it fear that kept you from doing it? We need to put fear in perspective.

I asked the Lord to help me overcome that fear and give me another chance. And, wouldn't you know it, the next Los Angeles rescue was when they brought the numchukas out. And I thought, "Oh, great, Lord. Thanks a lot!" But, you know, God will enable us to do what we need to do if we're looking to Him for it. And, I remember when Michael's arm was broken, and I was sitting close enough to hear it, and it made my stomach turn, and everybody was screaming. And they got me that day. They broke my wrist. God didn't take away the pain. But I praise Him for that opportunity and experience because that day, when my wrist broke, fear broke in my life, too.

There was a Godly principle at work. You'd think I'd be more afraid of police than ever and more afraid of pain than ever. It didn't work that way. The Lord says that when we resist Satan, he will flee from us. And I think that if there's anything that Satan is putting in our life, if you will turn around and face it with the power of God, Satan will flee from you.

We've got to remember that someday we're going look at him narrowly, and we're going to say, "That's who we've been afraid of, all this time? That little weasel?" We need to put it in perspective.

The First Giant of Fear -- Intimidation

Bruce Wilkinson's teaching seminar has a segment in it that says that there are two types of giants of fear. One is intimidation, and that is always the result of other people that we are afraid of. In our circumstance, it may be pro-aborts, clinic personnel, police officers, the woman herself. We need to understand, that's carnal. That's called the fear of man, and that's carnal. "Fear is the respect, honor and awe of someone or something." How dare we have respect, honor and awe for anyone or anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ.

Later on, I went out to Atlanta, and I thought I was totally over this fear thing. Hah! I found out that we need to be careful we don't become arrogant in what we think we've conquered in the Lord.

Although I had pretty much taken care of the fear of pro-aborts, fear of Satan-worshippers, clinic personnel and police officers, I held onto one big fear. And that was of judges. And I mean serious.

I remember the first time I stood there in jail clothes, and you're standing out there in no-man's land. All the seats are back behind you, and the judge is up there in his high, lofty seat, and you've got no place to go. Everybody's looking at you, and your hair's all tweaked out. You look like you just climbed out of a sewer somewhere. I mean, you look like a criminal of all criminals, and, this representing yourself thing is for the birds! I mean, give me the biggest attorney in the world. Get me out of here, I hate this place! I stood there one day. I was sick, making myself nauseated, because I hated it. I thought, "Beat me up, throw me away, throw away the key, anything but this. I cannot stand to be in the courtroom and in front of the judge." I was shaking inside and out.

And I just kind of looked at him, and it's kind of like the Lord was saying "I didn't give you this spirit of fear." And, I thought, "Yeah, Lord." And He said, "You know, you need to get a handle on this. I didn't do this to you. Satan did this to you." And I said, "Yeah, but Lord, do You remember I'm made of dust?" And I felt like the Lord was saying, "Yeah. So is he." The judge. And I started looking at him. And I thought, "Yeah. But he's bigger than I am, Lord." I felt like the Lord was saying, "Yeah. So he's more dust than you are." And I thought, "Oh! Yeah!" And I stood there, and I looked at him and looked at him, and I suddenly realized, "I need to put this in perspective real quick. He's bigger than I am. He's more dust than I am. He's just a giant dirtbag in a black bathrobe!" And it all fell.

Please, please, please. Don't stand before a judge sometime and call him a dirtbag. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not telling you to be disrespectful to the judge. What I'm saying is put things into perspective, and get rid of this fear of man. He's in a black robe, sitting on a wooden bench, and above him is the Judge of all judges and the King of kings in white and shining garments, sitting on a heavenly throne, and that's who we account to. That is who is there for us. Put things into perspective and don't let fear get a hold of us.

The Second Giant of Fear -- Inhibition

The second giant of fear is inhibition, and that's internal fear. We cause ourselves to be afraid. Most of this fear is unfounded, untrue, but extremely effective. In our case, it's effective at keeping us home. And if we get a little bit braver, maybe we'll go out there and we'll be prayer support. We park down the street, we roll up our window, we lock our car door, and we cling to the steering wheel.

Then we get a little bit braver. Maybe we'll walk out on the sidewalk, but we stay 500 yards away, and we cling to the telephone pole.

We need to let it go, and we need to say, "We're going to walk out there as children of God into the enemy's camp, and we're going to stand for righteousness, and we're going to let the Lord do it and let our light shine."

Deuteronomy 20:3 says "Today you are on the verge of battle. Do not let your heart faint. Do not be afraid, and do not tremble or be terrified because our God goes before us." He's the captain of our army, and we can have the victory in Him.

One of the counselors in Atlanta is named Linda, and on her first day to come out, I picked her up in the morning. In Atlanta you have to be out fairly early in the morning because they start arriving at about 5:15. And I picked her up, and we had to stop at the restroom about three or four times on the way because she was so nervous, she had to keep using the ladies' room. And we stood out there, and it was winter, and she was all wrapped up in a coat, and she was shivering and standing by the telephone pole, and she said, "I can't do this. I can't do this." I said, "Sure you can." She said, "No, I can't." I said, "Yes, you can." She said, "No, I can't. I can't do this." And I said, "Okay, okay. Well, just observe or whatever." And I turned around later in the day, and here she is, walking up and down, just giving everybody literature, talking to everybody. She had had her first turnaround the first day. She had stopped a girl in a taxicab, and that girl never got out; she talked to her through the window, and the girl left and never came back. At the end of the day, Linda said, "I can do this! I can do this!" She had gotten a handle on that fear.

7. SPECIFIC SCENARIOS YOU WILL ENCOUNTER WHILE COUNSELING

The Woman Who Doesn't Know That Help Is Available

You're going to have a woman coming for an abortion who really doesn't want it, or on the phone, who really doesn't want it. And she thinks that there is simply no one that cares about her. That there is no help available. Now, you may be an active pro-lifer in your city, but I'll bet you are not fully aware of every single facility and care giver out there, for a woman in a crisis pregnancy. And if you don't know all of them, how is she going to know? She doesn't even know to look in the telephone book for anybody that's available to help her. That's our job. We need to know what's available and know who these people are, know their names, know how to get to them.

Know exactly what they do. Don't tell her that the crisis pregnancy center is going to buy her a house. They're not going to do that. Know the truth. Know what they will offer, what they will do. Because if she gets to a crisis pregnancy center, and you've told her this whole line of things, and they aren't real, everything else you said is going to fall to the floor, too. So be honest, and know what's available, and be ready and willing to take her there immediately.

The Woman Who Has a Spirit of Murder

You're going to have a woman come across your path who simply has a spirit of murder. She can look at your picture of David and say, "So? I don't want the kid." There are even women that ask to see the remains of their children in a jar. Now, if that's the case, do you think she's going to respond to a plea for that child's life? No way! You're wasting your breath. She's looking out for herself! There was a car that pulled into Surgi one time with a license plate, "ME 4 ME," and that’s our society. And if she’s thinking that much about herself and is that indifferent about the baby, then you just have to talk about her.

I got one woman to change her mind one time when I told her that I had a friend that lost twenty feet of her bowel from an abortion and has a bag on her side. And she stood up, and she said, "Well! I’m a fashion model. I can’t have a bag on my side! I’m out of here!" And she left. And she had her baby. For all the wrong reasons, but she still had it. I don’t care why she leaves -- just as long as she’s out of there! That woman had a beautiful little girl, and she is being very dutifully careful to raise her as a fashion model. The child has life, and the woman found out it’s a little girl, like all moms do.

So, if she’s self-centered and selfish, fine. Play right into it. "Oh, honey, please! Think about yourself. Think about yourself!" You know, that’s what she wants to hear.

The Woman Who Can't Take One More Day of Morning Sickness

She may be at that point that she feels she just can't take it any more. She can't handle all the emotional upheaval and the nausea. She wants to be rid of all that, that being incapable of cooking and cleaning and perhaps taking care of other children. But you need to make her start thinking about herself. And keep this in mind: No matter what reason she is using for this abortion, you immediately think, "post abortion." How is this going to affect her later on? This particular scenario?

I had one woman for post-abortion counseling that said she went for an abortion that morning with her friend because they both had severe nausea. They made the appointment the same day. They sat out in the waiting room. She was called in first. She went in, and while she was having her abortion, her friend sat in the waiting room and changed her mind. When she came out, she knew instantly that she had lost out. She was the one who had made the wrong decision. She never saw her friend again after that day. She couldn't bear to look at her. She couldn't be around her. She was invited to the baby shower. She wouldn't go. She has never, to this day, seen that woman or her child. She said she found out that her friend's nausea lifted two weeks later. And all she could say is, "Maybe just two weeks. Maybe two weeks is all I had to endure of this." And she hadn't gone to her doctor for any help at all for her nausea. And so she punishes herself and punishes herself all the time. "I aborted my baby for that reason? Why, you little lousy, terrible ______!!" Her self-esteem was at an all-time low. Any time she catches the flu and gets nauseated, she's flooded with memories of the abortion.

Make her think post abortion. How is this going to affect you later?

Women tell me over and over again, "I felt overwhelmed at the time, and my hormones were crazy; my circumstances were overwhelming." But later on, years down the road, when they try to remember those feelings and those reasons for the abortion, they're so tiny, and they seem so insignificant. They can't bring them any comfort any more.

So, you need to help her to realize, things aren't always going to be this way. It may feel like an eternity right now, but you're not always going to be nauseated, you're not always going to be vomiting. Get her out of the present, and help her. She thinks she thinking of the future. She's not. Get her way beyond it, and paint a picture for her that is hopeful. And think post abortion.

The Woman Whose Child Has a Serious Defect

You're going to have a woman that's going for an abortion, and she's going to tell you the child is malformed. Now, a lot of times they lie. Because they think that you're going to say, "Well that's okay," and back up. And you'd be surprised how many pro-lifers will. You'd be surprised how many so-called pro-lifers think it's okay for a woman to abort in the case of rape, incest or if the child's malformed. They just simply don't understand, or they're ignoring the truth.

But if she tells you the child's malformed, again, think what? Post-abortion, and think pro-woman. Now, in some cases, she may think she is actually doing the baby a favor. But you need to make her think, instead, now, how is this going to affect you later on? Women are made to protect children. If she violates those maternal instincts, she's damaging herself as well as the baby.

I have counseled women that have aborted healthy children and malformed children. And, as much as the healthy child distressed them, it was the malformed one that brought them the most grief. Because women are made to protect children. If you are a parent, you know that if your little child that you love with all your heart gets a broken arm, and you have this little tiny child with a broken arm, it just breaks your heart. You are that much more tender toward them, you that much more careful. And you feel bad and you want to take the pain away, and you're even more protective because your child has been injured. And women that have malformed children that raise them say they feel more protective toward that child.

But the woman who goes and aborts that malformed child? I have had several women who have told me, "I realized later on that all children in the womb are defenseless against an abortionist, but somehow that malformed baby seemed that much more defenseless, and I went and I picked on it. It already had so many strikes against it, and I picked on it, and I let it be harmed and hurt like that." She felt more protective later on of that one and more guilty and more helpless in what she had done.

So, think post-abortion. Tell her, "Honey, you've got to protect your mental health. You have got to protect your maternal instincts in this." And help her understand how she will suffer from aborting a malformed child, even more than a healthy one.

The Woman Who Is a Victim of Rape or Incest

A woman is going to come for an abortion and she will tell you that she has conceived through rape or incest. And we need to understand that society does not realize that a rape victim is the absolute worst candidate for an abortion. Again, because of her mental health. Here is a passage I found about rape and abortion:

"Let me give you a short explanation as to why abortion for rape pregnancy in particular is not a good idea. What are some of the symptoms of rape? The woman feels dirty, guilty, sexually violated, of low self-esteem, angry, fearful, or hateful towards men. She may experience sexual dysfunction. She may feel she has lost control of her life. Now, let's look at the symptoms of abortion. The woman feels dirty, guilty, sexually violated, of low self-esteem, angry, fearful, or hateful towards men. She may experience sexual dysfunction or loss of control of her life."

All the same things. She gets it in a double whammy. And it's been proven, statistically, that if a woman gives life and keeps the child that has been conceived through rape, that she heals from the rape experience much much better and quicker. If a woman has a chubby, little healthy baby in her arms, that child loves away the hurt of that rape and that violation, and she feels victorious over this rapist. Because he's this terrible awful man, and he perpetrated something evil and violent on me, but I turned it around and I made something beautiful and wonderful out of it. I'm better than he is.

But the woman that chooses to end this pregnancy that was conceived through rape feels worse than the rapist, because in all actuality she has been involved in murder. She is violated, victimized once in the rape; then she's violated and victimized the second time from the abortion. Many women say it feels like surgical rape. And they realized, "I was innocent, and I did nothing wrong. I had this violence done to me. And this baby was innocent. At least I could scream or run or claw or something. This child was a victim also. And innocent. And I'm worse than that rapist because I'm a murderer, and I killed that child."

A woman who chooses to end her pregnancy conceived through rape does not heal from her rape experience. She now has two horrifying experiences, and she is victimized twice. So, again, we need to make her think about herself.

And, nearly always, the woman has gone right from the rape experience directly into seeking an abortion. When a woman has conceived from a relationship, she's waiting. The weeks go on. "Is he going to help me? Is he going to stand by me? Is he going to marry me?" The weeks go on, she's got more time to think. But the woman that has been raped, as soon as she finds out she's pregnant, when she's still terrorized and traumatized from the rape, goes right into that abortion.

If a woman has really been raped, you can tell, because she instantly starts crying. Instantly. She's still terrorized. She's still horrified. And she goes in saying, "I'm going to get rid of his kid," but she comes out crying, "I killed my baby."

We need to be there to help her understand. She cannot fathom at that moment that this child has a potential for something wonderful in its life. She only sees that it's his baby. She doesn't look at the other half that's hers, that is made up of her. I keep with me a publication called "Raped and Pregnant." It contains testimonies about some people that have been conceived by rape and the wonderful, productive lives that they have. She does not understand at that moment. So we need to help her come to this understanding, because she cannot think that this child, at the end of this, could be a blessing to her and to society.

The Daughter Brought for an Abortion by Her Parents

You're going to have a woman coming for an abortion that's accompanied by a parent, and if you have been out there long enough, you hate to see it coming. They will surround this little girl like a coat of armor, and it's very hard to get to her. Sometimes I want to bring some feminists out there and let them see just how many of these girls are not exercising their right to choose, but rather Mom and Dad is, or some creep, and her right to choose is being taken away from her. I know circumstances of girls that have been brought in at gun point to abortion clinics. And society is not at all aware of this.

It's very difficult to meet the girl that's being accompanied by a parent. There's many times when I'll break all my sidewalk counseling rules, and I'll yell out to her and let her know she doesn't have to do this, that it's her right to choose, and if her parents aren't going to help her, I will. And I've gotten some girls to come to me, but very few, because the parents will surround them.

But I couldn't reach them, and I couldn't reach them. Because I was doing the same thing towards the parents that I had previously been doing to the women. Just as I used to judge the women seeking abortions -- and the Lord took that out of my life -- in the same way, I was judging the parents. Ooooh! Anger would well up inside of me when I saw them, and that's what came out of me, and I couldn't reach them.

But the Lord uses everything and every occurrence in our lives. And if you don't already know this, I encourage you to share what's happened in your own personal life. Don't hide it. Don't let pride get in the way, because everything in our life is a learning experience.

I received a telephone call from my son one night, to tell me that he had gotten a very close friend's daughter pregnant. And it broke my heart. He's thousands of miles away, and I was out there in Atlanta. I hung up the phone, and I sat down on the stairs. I was staying in someone's basement at the time. And my heart broke. That's not how I wanted to receive my first grandchild. And in the other room, Dobson was playing (the Lord is so good!). And right at that moment, as guilt flowed over me, and I began thinking to myself that I shouldn't have left Los Angeles -- I should have been there with my children -- Dobson was saying that, as Christian parents, we need to stop taking responsibility for our adult children's decisions. And my son said, "Oh, Mom! Don't blame yourself. I never listened to you in a year, so what difference does it make?" But it still bothered me, and my heart was broken.

And one month later, my daughter came out to Georgia, and she sat in front of me one night, very very late, with big fat tears rolling down her face, and she said, "Mama, I'm pregnant." And my heart broke again. And, as I mentioned before, if you're going out to the mills there, and you're going spend time with the Lord -- well, I get up at 3:15 in the morning. And my telephone didn't stop ringing until 1:30. So I didn't have time to absorb it.

And the next morning I did what I do every morning, like a little robot, and I got dressed, drove down to Surgi, pulled in there in the dark, and the very first car that came in was a Mercedes with a mom and dad and a beautiful little blond teenager. She walked by me, and she was already crying, and the mom and dad walked up to me. The mom put her finger in my face and said, "You don't know what it's like to have a child in a crisis pregnancy!" And that's all it took. My waterworks started, and I said, "You're right, I don't know what it's like to have a child in a crisis pregnancy, but I know what it's like to have two children in a crisis pregnancy at the same time. And I don't have a husband. I'm a missionary. I don't have any money. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this! I don't know!" And I was crying and crying and crying.

She put her arm around me and said, "It's okay, honey. It's all right, sweetheart. Stop crying, it's going to be okay. It'll work out. It'll work out." And I looked at her. They were holding hands when they walked down the hill. And I said, "You're right. It will work out. But look at you. You don't have money problems -- you drove in here with a Mercedes. There's love in your relationship -- you're holding hands. You care about your daughter. If I can do this, you can do this." And she looked at her husband and said, "She's right. We can do this." And they called their daughter back, went home, and she had a little girl.

Now, the Lord did not encourage my children to do wrong so that I would have some lesson to learn out there. It's called sin. But the Lord broke my heart for parents. Now I know the hurt. These are supposed to be planned things. These are supposed to be fun things, with weddings and flowers and excitement. And, yes it was. And, praise God, I've got two beautiful grandbaby boys, named Joshua Paul and Nathan Daniel. And with those names, they're going to grow up to be a couple of spit-fires, and they're going to turn the world upside down. God took something that Satan meant for wrong and turned it into good. And I thank and praise God for that.

But I can reach parents now. I can reach parents. And when I talk to them, I focus on them. And I know their hurt and their disappointment. When you talk to parents, look them in the eye and say, "This must hurt you. This must really hurt you. This is disappointing to you." But they need to understand that, as disappointing as this unplanned pregnancy is, it cannot compare with the disappointment and the heartache of losing a grandchild.

Focus on the parents, because they are the ones that are making the decision, and not the girl.

And another thing, if you are an aborted woman reading this, use that. Don't let pride stand in your way. You look her in the face and say, "Honey, I've been there. I know exactly what you're going through, and I made the wrong decision. And I care about you and love you enough to stand in your way and be that wall of protection to you and keep you from making that same mistake."

The Woman who's Afraid of Childbirth

You're going to have a woman coming for an abortion who's afraid of childbirth. And that's fairly common. If you see a woman going in who looks pregnant, you need to make your mind start thinking, "Is she afraid of childbirth?" You would be amazed how many women are terrified of giving birth. If you've gone full-term through a pregnancy, you know what it's like. You go farther and farther into your pregnancy, and the bigger and bigger you get, you think, "Oh, no, that's a physical impossibility. There's no way. I can't give birth." Women get scared.

It's usually one of two things when a woman gets further on. It's often either a broken relationship or she begins to be afraid of childbirth. Know and understand the physiology of childbirth. I was surprised how many women have had children who don't even know what a uterus is or a cervix. So we need to understand it. God knew what He was doing when He designed our bodies. And tell them that. Know the facts. Tell her that her cervix is closed tight as a vice, to keep that child safe and to keep even bacteria out, to keep the child healthy. But when she approaches the end of her pregnancy, her body will change and get ready for that delivery. The cervix becomes like an elastic band and will open. A woman can give birth to a full-term, large baby a lot easier than she can to a small, premature baby, when her cervix is not ready to open. And help her to understand. If a woman's going in for a prostaglandin abortion, she is setting herself up for more pain than she would ever experience from natural delivery at the end of her pregnancy.

If a woman goes late term and she's overdue, and they have to induce labor, they give her a small amount of prostaglandin to induce labor. But a woman is going in for a mid-term or a later term abortion, will be given twelve or thirteen times that amount. That amount of prostaglandin has produced contractions so severe that they have been known to decapitate the child in the womb. Contractions mean pain. She needs to understand the pain that she is subjecting herself to. If she's going in to prevent pain, she needs to run away from there, because that's what she is setting herself up for, more pain.

The Woman Having Medical Problems with Her Pregnancy

If you have a woman that's going for an abortion because she says she has medical problems and the doctor says she's going to die or whatever, that may be a lie also. And there are some women whose lives are in danger during pregnancies for whatever reason. But it's very strange how pro-life doctors always seem to get these women through their pregnancies. They take the time that it requires and the extra care that she requires. And, also, again, think what? Post abortion. The woman needs to understand that God created us to protect children, at the cost of our lives, not the other way around. I heard Joanna use this description once. Tell her, what happens if you're out in the middle of the ocean and you're in a rowboat, and it's sinking, and you've got a three-month-old child in your arms. You've got to throw something overboard so you don't sink. Are you going to throw your child overboard? No! That's what she's doing. If she's having an abortion because her life is in danger, or if she thinks her life is in danger if she continues this pregnancy, she's throwing her baby overboard to save her own life. She will hate herself for that. And I've heard woman after woman say, "I wish I'd died. I wish I'd died! I made my baby suffer so that I would be okay." That devastates her maternal instincts. That is the opposite of how women function. And so she needs to understand that, to protect, again, her mental health.

The Woman Frozen Into Inaction

You're going to have a girl that's come and, she's just frozen. She stops. She's taken the literature. She's listened to you. And, you can tell, she doesn't know what to do. And I always share this, this one little girl, because it hit home to me. Realize that you need to take control. She arrived one day with her father. They parked the car and they walked down the hill, and they stopped at the end of the driveway by the bushes there and Anne had given them literature previously. And they went in, and they came back out, and the girl let me talk to her, and the father let me talk to them. And they were very kind and very courteous. And all the father did was stand there and stroke his daughter's arm, just to keep her calm, keep her quiet. She let me share everything I could share with her. I said everything I knew to say. For a good twenty, thirty minutes. And she went in anyway.

I had stood there and tried so hard to try to talk to her, I started crying, he was crying, and she was crying, and she still went in. And then the next day, they came back, because she had gone in there for testing and counseling. And they came back. Well, I had already said everything I knew to say. I wasn't even going to go up to her again, but the Holy Spirit pushed me up there.

The dad parked the car in the same place, they walked down the driveway, stopped at the same place on the sidewalk by the same bush, and they started all over again. And he did the same thing. He just stood there and stroked her arm. And I said verbatim what I said the day before. Only this time, she wasn't going in. But she wasn't leaving either. She was frozen.

She had spent so much time talking herself into this, it was all she could think. Abortion. Abortion. Abortion. He was crying. She was crying. I was crying. Same as the day before. And then I realized, I needed to take control. I'm not telling you to go out there and touch anybody, but I had already won her over the day before and this day also. I just took her right elbow in my left hand, I looked her in the face, and I said, "Sweetheart, you're not going in there. You're going to go home and have your baby." And I turned her around toward the parking lot. She burst into tears. She threw her arms around her dad's neck, and said, "Take me home! Take me home! I want to have my baby! I want to have my baby!"

I don't know how long she would have stayed there. She was frozen. She couldn't undo that decision. So we need to help them. We need to help them, and tell them lovingly, gently, what they're going to do. If they don't listen to you, they don't listen to you. But if you reach that point in your counseling where you've won her over that much, she'll be grateful for your involvement.

You know what she told me later, months later? I told her how fortunate she was to have a dad stand there and calm her by stroking her arm. And she said, "Yeah, I thought so, at first, too. But I couldn't figure out why I was so angry at him all the time. Then I realized, I didn't want him to do this [stroke my arm], I wanted him to do this [pull me away]. I wanted the decision taken away from me."

So we need to love her enough to take the decision away from her in a loving and gentle way.

The Christian Woman Coming for an Abortion

If you've been out there long enough, I know that you've seen this scenario, and that is the Christian girl coming for an abortion. They pull in there with their Christian bumper stickers that say, "Jesus Christ is my co-pilot" and "I love Jesus." And it's real hard to reach them. They are by far the absolute hardest ones to reach. Because they've gone to their churches already, and they've already been counseled by their pastor. They've been told that, "Under your circumstances, this really is the best thing that you could do."

I had one girl who had a whole list of verses already written out on a piece of paper. They walk in there with their Bibles under their arms, and maybe you don't see it as much in your part of the country as we see it in Atlanta, but you've seen it. They wear "I Love Jesus" buttons. And we have them coming in all the time. It's the Bible belt. Everybody's "saved" in Atlanta. And they don't listen.

This one woman walked up to me. Her bumper sticker said, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." And she came up to me and she said, "You're right. You're right. You're a hundred percent right. It's a baby. It's fully formed. It feels pain. It's murder. But, ain't it wonderful! God forgives everything." And that's the attitude of the church. And, she's right. God does forgive everything, but a lot of women are counting on the Holy Spirit to bring them comfort. But that's not the job of the Holy Spirit.

The Christian woman who has had an abortion needs to allow the Holy Spirit to bring her conviction so that she understands what she did, so that she's repentant, so that she asks forgiveness, so that she's cleansed, so that she's forgiven, so that she's restored. But that's a long process. And she needs to understand ahead of time what she's doing. And you are wasting time talking about that baby!

You know how I said, "don't preach to her"? You go ahead, you get your Bible out, and you preach up a storm to her. Because if you really believe, you perceive, that she really knows the Lord, I believe we have an obligation, as a sister in Christ, to make her accountable for what she's about to do. And you go ahead and preach. And she'll quote more scripture back to you than you probably remember reading in your life. She'll be all prepared.

But I had one girl that changed her mind -- and there are very few, very few -- because I told her, "We've all done something in our life that we regretted, as believers. And we broke fellowship with God. I've done that. And we want to turn back the hands of time and go back to that day and undo it and unmake the decision." And I said, "We break fellowship with the Lord, and there's an awful, awful price to pay for it." She started crying. She looked at her mom. And I said, "Honey, you're going to be down the road from this, and you're going to want to go back and turn back the hands of time, but you're at that crossroads right now. You cannot undo an abortion, but you can prevent it. You cannot undo this, but you can prevent it, this breaking fellowship with God. And she looked at her mom and said, "I can't do it again. I can't do it again." And it wasn't an abortion. It was something else in her life that broke fellowship with the Lord. She said it took her too long to get back.

So you go ahead, and you talk to her about the Lord, and her relationship with the Lord. Don't let her get away with this "easy gospel" -- "God is love love love love love." You make her understand there is an accounting with God. That there is a righteous God that she's going to stand before and be accountable to in this life and encourage her to protect her spiritual health.

A woman going in for an abortion is setting herself up physically, mentally and emotionally. A Christian girl is going to be hung physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's going to be devastating for her.

The Pastor Bringing His Wife or Daughter for an Abortion

I don't know if this happens where you live, but in Atlanta we've had numerous pastors bringing their wives and daughters in for an abortion. We had eleven. We've had many more than that, I'm sure, but eleven that I know of. I could blow the lid off a few ministries in Atlanta if I had a mind to.

But it overwhelmed me. I didn't know how to cope with it. I did not know how to deal with it. It grieved me. I was so frustrated!

I had a pastor go in the trunk of his car and take out a fistful of gospel tracts. He was going to go inside and witness and share the gospel with the girls in the waiting room while his daughter was having an abortion!

And I told him, "I'm out here praying that the Holy Spirit will touch their hearts and help them to realize what they're doing, and you go in there, you tell them who you are, and you give them full approval of what they're doing. They'll think, "A preacher can do this. We can do this. It's got to be okay."

I didn't know how to handle it. I've had them stand out there and say, "You're just a woman! I'm a man of God." And he'd get out there and start preaching to me. I'd be in tears. I didn't know how to deal with it.

One day I went there. I just kicked the telephone pole. I started crying and said, "Why me!? Why don't You send out somebody here, some Billy Graham out here, and then maybe they'll listen to him?" It really grieved me. I started praying, "Lord, You have got to show me how to get them out of here."

And then one day, I was standing there with Anne, and it was still dark, and the first car had arrived. Just before it had arrived, I was distraught. I'd had a pastor the day before and so many Christians, I couldn't stand it. I was just totally discouraged. And I said, "Anne, if we have one more Christian, or one more preacher in here, I'm going to lose it." And she said, "How bad you gonna lose it?" And I said, "Real bad." And she said, "Uh oh," and she pointed. And Surgi's got four lanes of one-way traffic coming in. And I saw a car that pulled up, and it was a black car with black tinted windows, and the whole front bumper was full of Christian bumper stickers, and in Georgia you don't have to have a license plate on the front. The license plate that was on the front had a black background with a white cross and in big white letters it said "CLERGY." I said, "That does it!" And as I started marching down to the car, a woman got out of the back seat, took a look at me, and ran in.

I went up and pounded on his tinted windows:
"Is this your car?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"This says clergy on the front!"
"Yes, ma'am, I'm pastor so-and-so from such-and-such a church."
"What are you doing here!?!"
And I just lost it. I said, "Who was that woman?"
"I don't know."
"You bring some woman to an abortion clinic at 5:30 in the morning and you don't know who she is?"
"Well, I don't know who she is."

There was a teenage boy sitting in the front seat, and he said, "That's his wife." And I wanted to talk to him, and the light was changing, and the traffic was starting to come, and I was losing it. I mean, I was just shaking inside. And I said, "Pull in there!" And he pulled in his car and got as far away as he could towards the back of the parking lot. And as I walked by Anne, and she said, "Kaaaren!" She told me later, "Forget being arrested for trespassing, I thought you were going to be arrested for attempted murder!"

I thought I was, too! By the time I walked from the sidewalk up to the top of that road, I was just shaking, inside and out.

He had rolled his window up again. I pounded on the window again, and he started making these excuses. And I said, "Look, that's why we can't get anywhere in this battle! Not only can we not find men who have the guts to stand up and preach that sin is sin and abortion is murder from their pulpits, we can't get them to come out here for a prayer vigil. We can't even get up and sidewalk counsel because you're in here and you're bringing these women in for the abortions. It's no wonder we can't get anywhere in this battle!"

And he started making this excuse and this excuse, and I said, "Look-look-look-look! I'm not going to talk to you about this any more!" I was so upset, I thought I was going to vomit. And I was shaking so much, the veins were just sticking out of my neck. I said, "You get out of this car right now, you go in there, and you get your wife out, or I'm going across the street and calling LOVE-86 Christian radio. I'm giving them your name and the name of your church and I'm telling them that you're down here getting an abortion for your wife."

He was out of that car in two seconds! He went running down the hill there at Surgi. He was slipping and sliding on the rocks. He brought her back and she slid in the back seat. And I told him, "Don't think you can go slither off to some other mill in this city, because we know where every single one of them are, and she is going to follow you." And Anne got into her van. I said, "Don't think you can come back some other time, because we're here all the time." (And we aren't.) I told him we had every mill covered (and we don't). I said, "You can't do this without us knowing about it. And, furthermore, I'm coming to your church in three months, and she had better still be pregnant!"

You know all that love and compassion and all that sweet stuff I was talking about? Forget it! He doesn't deserve it! You open up with both barrels on him because how dare he call himself a man of God and be out there at a killing center?

It used to be we were about twenty years behind the world in our morality. No more, folks. We're running neck and neck. With immorality, with child killing; we're even a part of it. We're not only a part of this business because of our indifference and our apathy but because we are, as Christian women, aborting our children, and as preachers, taking them for abortions, counseling them for abortions and refusing to speak up for the helpless. God help our spirits, because we need to do something.

But you go ahead. I don't know how else to handle it. Threaten him. What's he going to do? Sue you? Then the whole world knows. "Good! Sue me! I'll tell the whole city of Atlanta why you're suing me!" They're stuck. So chase them out. Do whatever you have to do. But forget the love. They don't deserve it.

8. ENLIST THE HELP OF THOSE WHO DO BUSINESS WITH THE ABORTION CLINIC

When you're out there, use everybody that you can, to get literature into this woman's hands. Use everybody. Use the UPS man when he goes to deliver something. Get him to take in literature. Use the guy that delivers the cokes and the mail man, whoever you can. The copy machine man.

Yes, I know. Your initial reaction is you want to stop them and say, "Do you know what they're doing in there? Do you know that the money they're paying you with has taken the lives of children, and you're feeding your children with blood money?" But don't do that!

Get them on your side. And get them to take literature in for you. This one guy, I was telling him, "Oh, come on, you can do it. You can do it. Just take this whole wad of literature, put it in your briefcase and when you go in, just set it down in there. Take it out. Put it down and forget about it." And he said, "No, no, no, no, no. I can't do it." I said, "Yes, sure you can do that." He said, "Oh, all right! I'll do it!"

So he takes it in and about half an hour later, he comes out all excited, has a business card already in his hand. And he told me, "Take this, please! Call me tonight. I did what you said. I took the literature out. I put it there, and there's a little girl in a yellow sweater, and she's reading it, and she's crying! And I really think she's changing her mind! If she comes out, please call me. Please let me know."

Well, he left, and she came out right behind him. He just missed her. I stopped her and talked to her, and I told her about him. She said, "Please tell him thank you. Please call him and tell him I said thank you. Because, if I hadn't read it, I would have just done it. I would have just done it." So now when he comes, he approaches me and asks me for more literature.

Fill up taxicab drivers. If girls come to your clinic in taxicabs, fill up the cabs with literature. I've got one taxicab driver who will stop from time to time to ask for more. (Now, I think they shouldn't bring them at all, but they do.) But when this driver gets an address that he recognizes as an abortion clinic, he just gives the girls literature. This driver has had three or four girls that said to take them back to the hotel. And so get everybody and use everybody that you can to bring literature in.

9. MEN CAN BE EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE SIDEWALK COUNSELORS

I know, sometimes, men feel ill-equipped out there, and a lot of men don't ever go out because they think, "Well, I'm a man. This is a women's issue, and women don't want to have anything to do with me at that time." And that's true. A lot of women have been abandoned by men at this time in their life, and they'll say the last thing they want to look at is some man. They'll look at you and say, "When's the last time you got pregnant, buster?" They're not real happy with men at this time in their life. They may have been abused by men all their life. They may not have ever had a man genuinely care about them. But you can use this to an advantage in counseling.

Now, I'm a woman. If I'm in a really desperate financial situation (and she may be choosing to have this abortion because she has no money), I would think that a man would have the ability to help me before a woman would, because usually men have the capability of making more money and being more supportive.

Oftentimes, a woman will migrate to a man. I have seen women only respond to male counselors who wouldn't talk to a woman, but they're enamored that a man is giving them attention. And you're not talking about this baby, but you're talking about her.

Even your physical presence brings strength. And if you're quiet and you're calm -- there's nothing like a quiet, calm man to make a woman feel protected and feel like she can trust this person's advice. You might even say, "You know, ma'am, I don't know about the man in your life and your situation, but will you let me step in and help you? Would you let me protect you and make sure that you're well cared for?" But whatever you have to say, talk about her, and talk quietly and softly.

Here's an example of how a male sidewalk counselor was the perfect one to reach a woman in a particular instance.

We were out at Surgi one day, and we used to have a preacher, Preacher Bob, who came out there. And there was a couple there. The woman was already inside, and we were talking to her boyfriend outside. We talked this guy into going in and bringing his girlfriend out, but he didn't wait for us to tell him what to say. Well, I don't know what he said, but obviously it was all the wrong things. She came out all right. He came out running ahead of her, and he was clawed from the top of his forehead, down his face, down his neck and his chest. There were just streams of blood coming down. And then she picked up all those rocks there at Surgi and began throwing them at him, and she was screaming and yelling things at him that I've never even heard in jail! And all of the sidewalk counselors scattered to get away from the rocks. All except Preacher Bob.

Suddenly everything got quiet, and we turned around, and he had both of her hands in his, and she was just sobbing and softly crying. He calmed her completely down, and he reconciled her with her boyfriend, and they chose to leave and have this baby. He was extremely effective out there where a few of the other counselors weren't.

So please, men, don't stay away because you think that you can't be used out there. You could be the missing link for that woman. Stand out there in love. And, also, you can reach the men!

I had one guy that said, "I never even thought about trying to get the man to go back in. I'd stand and talk to them for hours out there." Now he's concentrating on doing that, sending the men back in and bringing the women out.

Adapted from a seminar given May 7, 1994 by Karen Black

"CONTINUE READING PART 3"

Posted: August 1, 2004 03:18 PM